Waiting for the Miracle
I have come across your website in past when searching for 'how to get hormones balanced'.
I had pretty much written off Progesterone because of my past experiences over the last 10 years with it. But after reading much information on this website I may have just put a piece of the puzzle together that has been missing for most of my life. I am 45 years old and have had ALOT of emotional problems since the age of 14. I have done a tremendous amount of cleansing and detoxing, do not use chemicals of any kind in household products, personal care products and am careful about choosing the cleanest possible foods.
When I read your personal story and all the struggles with energy, mood, depression, constant thought of suicide I thought I may have found the answer. I am not sure where to start but want to give you some backround information so you can possibly advise and reassure me.
At the age 14-15 I had horrible anxiety attacks and panic and dropped out of high school to attend Independant Home Study, as I could no longer go to school due to the anxiety and looking back in hindsight depression and all that goes with that. In my teenage years I used alcohol and other substances to just help me feel normal. My cycles were usually on the ligher side and not alot of physical problems but as soon as I entered my mid twenties the PMS came on very strong. I would turn into a different person and become so angry, rageful, tearful, negative, introverted and shy. I never correlated it to be the "luteal' phase but I'm sure it was.
By the time I reached 30 I felt like things really got bad. I was constantly in a 'bad' mood. Never feeling good and exhaustion was setting in. Work/college was always a challange I did not have the energy and felt like I was walking through quick sand and I fluxuated between anxiety and depression was very shy, introverted but forced myself to be a part of the world.
In 2003 I used a 10% compounded progesterone cream and I do believe it helped but at that point I still had 'undiagnosed' hypothyroidisim and MAJOR adrenal fatigue. So all my symptoms did not disappear on 100-200 mg of progesterone. I still had anger, rage, irritability, low energy, always breast tenderness, depression, very low self confidence ect.
I tried many herbs, supplements, healing modialites, protocals, energy work, cleansing and detoxifying regimines. So I believe much of this work has helped and cleared my body but if the hormones are not in balance it doesn't feel like much has been done despite perseverance, commitment and hard work.
This brings me up to 2007 which was a breaking point I developed panic and anxiety as the most difficult of a long list of symptoms that became intollerable. I was on 100-200mg of progesterone and a very small dose of natural thyroid. When I stopped these the intensity of the anxiety and panic was minimized. I was not feeling well off of these either but I had the choose the lesser of the two. It was at this time I became convinced that I was in severe adrenal exhaustion and spent almost 2.5 years on hydrocortisone with small amount of thyroid and progesterone off and on. I was in no better place . . . just surviving.
During this time I read and studied everything to make sure I was as toxin free as possible inside and out and thought this would resolve the problems. In 2010 it was suggested I use estrogen and progesterone. I did and BOY did I feel better initally and I would be worse than before. I tried this off and on for 1.5 years and could never tolerate the hormones. Now I am begining to understand why . . . . the estrogen stimulates the progesterone production in the begining only to then become estrogen dominant. I was then off hormones altogether from Jan 2011 to early 2012. During that time I did a nutrional balancing program and used only supplements and minerals, worked on eliminating heavy metals ect. I did feel better in some noticeable ways but I still had no joy in life, no inspiration, just going through the motions daily. Energy would be better but well-being and mood not good. This off and on through the whole month not just 2 weeks before the cycle. Ovulation very hard as well as days befofe the cycle and ON the cycle.
My cycle has been every 28 days for the past 3-4 months. Used be anywhere from 21-31 days. Lasts about 2-3 days. These days energy is better physically, but IRRITABILITY, anger, depression, headaches, constipation, some anxiety, heart palps, alcohol craving, suspician/paranoia at time, very weepy, mood swings are very difficult to live with. The good news is through all the work my adrenals are much stronger. I can tolerate a normal dose of natural thyroid medication. I do sleep well at times (used to be life long insomnia) and my endurance is better. But I cry frequently and easily, feel no joy, am not clear headed, low confidence, depressed (better with thyroid but not at all resolved).
This brings me to now. I follow an Ayurvedic protocal to pacify my constitution (vata) and this is helpful. Am on some calming herbs and taking adrenal herbs and can tolerate thyroid.
But I need help with my hormones . . . .
Saliva test from Labrix May 2012
Estradiol 4.97 1.0- 10.8
Progesterone 548.43 500-3000 with supplementation
(was using 75mg Progesterone/ .3-.5 mg Estadiol for 2-3 peroid . . . trying again)
After reading your website I used my progesterone cream yesterday 4 doses spread out totalling 250mg. By late evening I had terrible achyness all over, slight headache, very irritalbe and negative.
Today started with 100mg 8:00a.m.
still moody, down, lack of motivation, weepy, suspicous, paranoid
9:00 50mg not much change
11:00 100mg by 12:00 symptoms improved not gone though.
I'm suspecting that I need a large dose of progesterone. How would you suggest to start?
Your imput will be so appreciated. I've been searching for 30 years.
Thank you so much