I am not in control

by Vi.
(Wpg. Can)

I just started taking estrogen and progesterone, for very bad hot flashes I am having at night. Its so bad that I no longer get a balanced sleep...how do I preform at work in a busy hospital setting...This is my stress#1.

Stress#2, my husband has ADHD and has not been able to hold down a job for more than 10 months at a time due to lack of concentration, and he refuses to take meds (even if he didn't refuse medication for his ADHD, we could not afford them now that I am taking my meds along with my vitamins monthly...a bill of about $70.00 a month).

#3 This leaves me the burden of all our finances...and I can't sleep at night resulting in not preforming at work.

#4 I too have been diagnosed with osteoarthritis and bursitis in both hips (a lot of pain) and most resently fibromyalgia, and I can't sleep because of the hot flashes and pain, but I have to work full time because my husband doesn't (I am 49 years old).

#5 My husband also has a (too) soft heart for animals and in our 6 year marriage he has brought 6 cats and a dog into our home! I told him at the onset of our marriage no more than 3 cats, and never a dog!...he has manipulated his way into us having these animals that we can't afford to feed, and some of them are not even neutered.

#6 My family stays away from our home because of his over baring personality, and I have no more friends to confide in.

My stress levels are already through the roof... I would like to clean the slate of animals and some times of my husband but that too involves a whole lot of stress... that I don't think I can bare?...I believe I Am beyond meditation and eating healthy.

What say ye???

Comments for I am not in control

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Apr 16, 2011
Time to start over
by: Anonymous


I read your story and I thought to myself, "why is this woman allowing herself to be used by a man who clearly refuses to help himself?" Your illnesses will never improve if your stress levels are through the roof. They go hand in hand = good health and little or no stress.

Secondly, you are YOUNG - 49 is young and you should be having the time of your life. Never forget that it is NEVER too late to start over - life is a River and you just get off the riverbank and jump back in the flow - don't stop, don't give up.

My personal opinion is that you end your relationship with that person who is alienating your family, your friends and using you as the only bread winner. I do not mean to be rude or preachy - I just think that if you don't take care of yourself and see that you deserve more in life, you will get sicker and sicker.
GO FOR IT - BE STRONG - good luck!

Apr 19, 2011
thank you for your comment
by: Vi

Hi Anonymous
Your comment does not come across as rude nor preachy. I appreciate your comments...This is the reason I am on this "board" to get other options. I feel I can not think properly any more and I am not sure how to leave...I am in need of advice.

I used to be strong, I know I need to again...I just cant remember how to...I don't know how to leave. The house and all bills are in my name, (because he has made such a bad name for himself in the past no one not even the bank will work with him)...how do I "just go" and still have all these financial burdens, in my name? If I even try to put the house up for sale,while he's still in it, he will chase every realtor away. If, I just walk away from him and the house then the bank will mark my name in the black and I will never be able to purchase another home. My conscience would not allow me to walk away from bills, and my guilt/fear keeps me bound to him.

Apr 25, 2011
Courage to leave, courage to live free
by: Anonymous Again

Hi Vi

You can do it- tell him that you are leaving - if you ask him to leave he won't - he will just stay put. Find an apartment to stay at, select a date to move out and move out and call all the bill companies and end their services on that date. Set up the house for sale even knowing that he will not move out nor help with the agent - that's the proof you will need to then call the Sherriff's Department to get him evicted - he is not allowed to stay on property that is not his. This will mean having to pay your mortgage until you sell - very difficult. What if the worst happened - you lost your house to bankruptcy - so what? You will be free of him and you won't have lost your life to illness - would you rather be dead due to illness or totally broke with bad credit and still alive and ready to start over? Plenty of people have lost their homes...it's your life or your home- what is more important?

You and alot of people MISS THE WHOLE POINT OF LIFE - it is not money, owning a house, etc..it is living strong and healthy and if you are lucky, finding love in a man or in your children. You can't take the money with you when you pass. Let the bankruptcy come, let the bank take the house, if that is what it comes down to. It may not because he is not allowed to stay on premise if he doesn't own it. Don't tell him where your new apartment is and ask your family not to. He is hoping you will be weak and cave in - he won't expect you to risk losing the house in order to LIVE FREE.

Forget the material things - you don't need them anyway, good luck!

Apr 29, 2011
I am not in control
by: Wray

Hi Vi I think you can cut down on your costs immediately by stopping the oestrogen. I don't believe anyone needs more, we have too much on the planet as it is, see the website Our Stolen Future. And please see our page on HRT too. Hot flushes can be reduced or stopped with 400mg/day progesterone for 4-5 days and then the amount slowly lowered till the optimum is found. You are now in Peri-menopause, a difficult enough time, without the added stress you have. Incidentally stress drops progesterone levels. It's the precursor to cortisol one of our stress hormones, so much of it is routed to cortisol production, leaving little for other functions. Progesterone does help sleep too, see here. It's also an excellent anti-inflammatory and analgesic, often helping pain. I always suggest rubbing progesterone cream directly over any painful areas. I can't say I blame your husband for not wanting to take meds, but there are natural options he could take. Would he? We do make up a Calming complex which we've found excellent for ADHD amongst other problems. Unfortunately it's not our our website yet, but here are a list of the ingredients and the amounts he should take....GABA 100mg, Glutamine 4000mg, Glycine 1000mg, Taurine 2000mg, Tyrosine 1000mg, Chromium picolinate 200mcg, Zinc 15mg, Choline 500mg, Folic acid 300mcg, Inositol 4000mg, Vitamin B3 (niacinamide) 300mg, Vitamin B6 (pyridoxine) 25mg, Vitamin D3 5000iu's. If he refuses to take all of them, then please get him to take the tyrosine and vitamin D. ADHD is often no more than a lack of tyrosine, and most of us have a low level of vitamin D, in fact it's now become a serious problem world wide. I think both of you are probably low, as it's implicated in fibromyalgia, and inflammatory disorders too. Please consider having a test done, for more info see the Vitamin D council and GrassrootsHealth websites. If you should consider just using progesterone, please make sure it's sufficient. I recommend 100-200mg/day, anything less usually causes Oestrogen Dominance. Take care Wray

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